I don't believe in corporal punishment.
It's harmful, brutish, and teaches the wrong message to children--that violence can solve problems and that love can be equated with pain. I am passionate in my stance against disciplinary violence, even now. But in the nameless horror of watching my 12-year-old son almost jump from a four story window, my first impulse was to spank him hard.
Then I was crying.
Then I was calling his psychiatrist.
Then I was moving all his things into the room where I slept because I was never, ever going to let him out of my sight again. I called the apartment manager and asked if we could nail the windows shut. "It's against the fire code," I was told.
I drove him to the psychologist that he'd been working with for the past year. She said he wasn't suicidal, only impulsive. "People commit suicide as an impulse?" I asked.
"At least half. The impulsive ones are more likely to succeed because no one sees it coming."
I felt as if the air had been sucked out of my lungs. "How do I watch him every second of every single day?"
"His psychiatrist can prescribe a drug for impulse control."
She was talking about Risperdal. His doctor had mentioned it several months before, but at the time we decided not to try the drug. It was an anti-psychotic. It has some pretty hardcore side effects-- weight gain, lethargy, tremors in the hands.
Back then I thought the risk was too great, but now I would do anything to keep history from repeating.
A suicide attempt changes everything.
Stay tuned for more...
Below are links to this story from the beginning:
Moving On After Divorce
Navigating Troubled Times: Moving On After Divorce Part II
Praying for a Miracle: Moving On After Divorce Part IV
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